Change
by Devouring Rush
Summary: Kaneki struggles to mentally deal with being tortured. (Set before Jason's last visit to Kaneki, so he's not entirely lucid. Doesn't mess with canon.)


**Change (Feel It)  
**

_'STOP DOZING OFF, SHITHEAD'_

A sharp, hot pain hit Kaneki's fingers, making him sit up violently.

"Stop dozing off," Touka scolded, throwing the hot stirring spoon back under the steaming water in the sink next to her. "Didn't you hear me the first time, loser?"

Kneading his offended fingers, Kaneki gave a faint pout. He was so exhausted lately. And _so hungry_.

"Sorry, Touka."

Touka narrowed her eyes, sighed, and handed him a cup of coffee. "Sleep when you're not working, Kaneki; I don't care how tired you are. And take that to Hinami in her room. Now."

Kaneki nodded. He hadn't expected any sympathy from Touka anyhow. She'd been distant and angry lately, like when they'd first met, always looking at him like he was missing something.

When he stood, his feet were numb and achy. He shuffled from one foot to the other with no avail. His extremely uncomfortable yet sleek and handsome work shoes sucked. But Kaneki powered through his discomfort, like he always seemed to be doing lately, and picked up the hot coffee cup with his bare hands, willing the burning in his fingers to make him more alert.

Hinami was waiting.

_Hinami was waiting?_

Setting the coffee back on the counter, Kaneki turned back toward Touka, who was absorbed in washing dishes.

"...Touka," Kaneki whispered, his mouth suddenly very dry.

"Hinami's _waiting_," she hissed, breaking a coffee cup with her grip. Blood dripped.

"But, Hinami lives with you now. Right, Touka?"

When Kaneki rested his hand on the counter, it practically vibrated against the wood. His heart hurt from beating so fast. His fingers still burned. His feet hurt so bad he wanted to crumple to the fucking floor. Everything _fucking hurt._ But the blood. The blood looked _so good_.

"And...and didn't you. Didn't you say...she...that Hinami stayed home today," he said, stumbling toward the bloody water, barely able to speak because all he could focus on was the fucking

_drip_

_drip_

_**drip**_

of blood.

_'YOU'RE SO FUCKING HUNGRY AREN'T YOU ONE EYE?'_

Spluttering and shaking, Kaneki opened eyes looking down at his blood stained lap before attempting to look forward and violently blinked away the onslaught of it from his eyes.

"Poor little meat-bag Kaneki. You're so hungry, aren't you?"

Kaneki hesitantly opened eyes. Rize was sitting in a chair next to a barrel of toes and fingers. She smirked at him, picked up a handful, and let the appendages fall back in to the container.

"Whose are those," he said, eyes wide.

Rize wrinkled her nose after tearing a nail off of a big toe and popping it in to her mouth. She barely chewed.

"You taste awful now. It's almost like I'm eating _me_. How disappointing you are, Kaneki," Rize sneered.

Kaneki's tears dripped down his face as he looked to his hands, his fingers not quite grown back yet.

"_Whose are those,"_ he repeated, soft and slow and already sure.

His only response, for what seemed like ages and ages and ages, so long that his tears had formed around his feet, was more chewing.

Kaneki blinked. And the puddle was red.

"O-oh."

Rize stopped chewing. "You know, Kaneki, I don't know which you is more pathetic. You now or the little meat bag you were when your guts were leaking on to the concrete."

She flicked a nail in to his lap. "But at least back then you had _fight_. Now you're not even _trying_ anymore," Rize said.

"Why should I?" Kaneki couldn't think of why. He didn't want to fight. He just wanted to eat. That barrel had food.

Who did it belong to again?

Rize clucked her tongue.

Something rattled.

"Just as well he's here. You fucking bore me, thief."

He's here?

HE'S HERE?

Kaneki snapped his head toward the rattling. The rattling door.

_He's __**why**_

Kaneki's newly grown fingers and toes curled and his eye was angry and red and he was so fucking ready. So fucking lucid. It was all so clear again.

He had fight. He remembered he _had to fight_. To survive. To save...to save...to

"_YOU READY FOR SOMETHING NEW?!"_

The liar with the beaked nose and the disgusting voice gripped Kaneki's chin till he couldn't feel it anymore.

"If I didn't have somethin' new ready I'd rip that red eye right out of its fucking socket."

New.

_New._

Kaneki was new.

He could feel it. Itching underneath his skin. Pricking at his fingers. Grinding between his teeth.

He couldn't quite...Kaneki didn't remember what he had to save, but he knew for _damn sure_ that he was going to, that he was ready for new, that his moment was coming. That he was going to rip the power from that filthy fucking liar.

_He could feel it._

* * *

There are probably grammatical errors but I will go back and fix that later.


End file.
